i am back, back again

New location. New Office. Due to some conflict of interest in the last situation, i was offered a better working environment (less insects, better air), better moolah, better benefits etc etc etc and i have moved on.

Today marks my 1 monthlyversary.

And they say, you cant get 'em all. So 1 aspect of my life took a turn for the worse when another was getting better. My health. These past 2 months alone, i have visited the hospitals and private clinics no less than 10 times. Each time getting the neb. Each time, waking up in the middle of night and getting breathless. My chest hurts so much and it gets so tight that at times i feel i am just just clutches away from the grim reaper. It hurts real bad. My inhalers don't work no more. It used to be so easy for me to pump some into my mouth, feel all better and resume the activities that i have been doing. But now, even 10 puffs of the inhaler wont get me anywhere near better lung capacity. My airways get inflammed and i start gasping for breath. Im looking into some traditional medicine that has been tried and tested and proven successful. Id try anything at this moment to get my illness under control again. I have been good and even been using the preventors AND the steroids on a daily basis but they just dunt seem to work.

What's making it worse? People who just cant leave me alone. People who incessantly pry and crticize. The very same people who seek help from me when they most needed me - or my monies. What's even worse? They're family.

I couldnt sleep at all last night thinking about what was happening around me. With technological advances, people can screw you so easily online and defame you as well. I was labelled - "the one who is always up to no good" - by some idiot who doesnt even know me well. Whom i am not even close to. What right do you have to label me such. I have never even disturbed ur life. While mine has been stomped upon by my so called family for years, even continuing after the demise of my mother. One even laughed and said that i portrayed myself as a "victim". The very same person who would look for me if they're short of cash. And even borrowed an item i bought with my "very first pay, my hard earned money" for years, i might say and don't have the cheek to return it back. Nie bukan buruk siku - aku pinjamkan kau bender tu. But if you are as insensitive and can have the cheek to scream at me and insult me, then arent you embarrassed by using my property. Have you forgotten the times when you are so bloody shot of cash and you turned to me for help? Don't you even have the cheek to return it back to me? Are you claiming it as yours since its been with you for ages?

Perhaps I am too soft hearted, too lenient and swallow everthing that comes by when i was younger. when i was naive. when i was gullible. But hey, no way. not now animore peeps. No more. Enough is enough. I am carying my mum's legacy - i know how every single one of you have hurt my mum. I have it all in my hands. At the tip of my fingers and at the tip of my tongue. And if i lashed out, it means you have crossed my limit.